New Tripoli Cabin Rules

The rules

Pets are not permitted. Seriously. No dogs. No sheep. No gerbils.

No damage or contraband. Don't break shit. This is known as the Barbusca clause.

You can smoke outdoors, dispose of your butts properly. No pole smoking.

You can leave dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher to be cleaned.

They provide towels and linens. Don't lose them, no brown stripes.

There is no daily housekeeping service. Wipe your own ass.

Don't get evicted. No refunds for evicted asshole(s).

The fish tank is for you viewing pleasure. Don't feed or fuck or eat the fish. Yes, there is a fish tank.

You can bring your own ATV or other recreational vehicle. Don't drive on the grass. Don't break your neck.

The ATV rental is $125 per day. Screw that.

Don't get bit by a spider and swell up like a bratwurst. If you are bit by a spider, let Dooley piss on the bite to sterilize it.

The hot tub is drained, sanitized, and refilled prior to our arrival. Leave the cover on when you're not using it. No jizz.

There are 5 fireplaces and 2 outdoor fire pits. Some are wood burning, some are gas. Firewood is provided. Don't burn the fucking place down. Leave your tires at home.

Well and septic system. Don't flush lady products down the toilet. Keep your turds to a reasonable circumference. Don't throw passed out friends into the shit tank.

The walkways and patios can become slippery when wet. Don't get drunk and walk on the stamped concrete with piss shoes.

There is plenty of parking, but for Christ's sake, don't block the god damn driveway.

You need to cancel 60 days in advance.